Island hopping

Fishing village near Phang-Nga

“Jackpot!” was the only word I mouthed when my ride arrived at the Emerald Resort on Koh Lanta a few days back. I’d been approached by a tout on the ferry over, and although usually I tell these people to sod off (based on the logic that only the shittier places need to employ touts), this time the brochure and price seemed brilliant, so I went for it. Kudos to me, since this place kicks ass! The resort sits right on the beach, has a brand new swimming pool and a pretty decent restaurant/bar too. And what about the lodging? Through the course of my travels, I’ve stayed in some bungalows that are good, some that are crap, and some that I can’t even call crap because that would be an insult to crap everywhere. They’re more like what would come if crap could eat, then crap, i.e. crap’s crap.  The bungalows here, however, are top notch: clean with twenty-four hour electricity and a cozy veranda to hang out on. Despite being made from bamboo, they seem to keep most of the mosquitoes out too. Speaking of which, here’s a travel tip free of charge: when it comes to bungalows, try to avoid the quaint, romantic rattan huts that look like the first house from the three little pigs. If at all possible, spring for the ugly, Soviet-style ones made out of concrete and tarmac. Reason: I’ve yet to find a mosquito that can penetrate cement, where as bamboo practically teems with the vicious bloodsuckers.

Anyway, the place is really nice and laid back, since low season is just beginning. That said, I am getting kind of fed up with the staff. Remember when at first I was surprised that people were smoking weed at the climbing beach Ton Sai? Well, I may have jumped the gun slightly on that astonishment, as on the islands, everyone smokes pot everywhere, all the time. At our resort I was initially amused by the fact that the staff is constantly high as a kite, and even their stoned antics, like coming back three times to make sure you wanted sugar in your coffee only to eventually bring you a Fanta, were pretty funny. Now, they’re just starting to piss me off. It’s pretty frustrating to get anything done when every single question or request is met with a vacant, puffy-eyed stare. I’m not saying they need to stop smoking, but maybe just while they’re working or operating heavy machinery?

Speaking of weed, a few nights ago I ended up talking to guy from California, also called Ben, who had a pretty interesting background career-wise. It turns out the other Ben had worked for several years as a manager at a company called Comfort and Caregiving Inc (or something), which had been in the business of procuring, distributing and selling cannabis for medicinal purposes. Apparently, in California it’s relatively easy to get a doctor to diagnose you with some condition that allows the use of medical marijuana, so this company arose as one of the first to provide thousands of sick and not-so-sick people with legal ganja to numb the pain of leukemia/arthritis/Mondays. Eventually the federal government stepped in and shut the entire operation down, but till then, Comfort and Caregiving Inc. was making a roaring trade as explained with great enthusiasm by Ben: ”We had seven retail outlets across the state of California with the largest ones taking in close to 300 000 dollars per week.” He definitely knew his weed too, and explained in great detail the ins and outs of cannabis cultivation and distribution, all the while taking hits off a bong, of course. Apparently one of the biggest perks the trade was that he he had been able to try some of the best weed from all over the world in order to ensure his customers got the best available. I jokingly asked him how he formulated that entry on his resume, and he said it was simply something like “Manager in a healthcare company which has helped thousands of people lead better lives.” I don't think my three-month stint at a telecoms incumbent sounds nearly as good, and it certainly makes for less interesting conversation.

P. S. Weird song, but I love it! Bring on the ukulele!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12PQYX1r7Bc

Mr. T at the beach from The Beach