Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
For me, the people in Burma are definitely the number one reason to visit. I mean, Thailand is known as “The Land of Smiles”, but by comparison to the Burmese, Thais seem downright depressed. Wherever you go in Burma, people flash the biggest, goofiest grins imaginable at you, and within minutes you find yourself responding in kind and loving it. Even the most stony-faced traveler has to melt at the sight of a big fat smile and an enthusiastic “Hello!” from these guys! It’s a virtuous circle and would be fantastic to see elsewhere too! Unfortunately, if back home you greet someone you don’t know and, God forbid, smile at them, you are quite simply labelled as:
a) …drunk/high
b) …crazy
c) …a foreigner
as no other explanations are even remotely plausible. But I digress.
In addition to being seemingly happy all the time, the Burmese have great sense of humor too. I quickly found out that in Burmese the word “Finland” sounds a lot like the word meaning “to show your ass”. Obviously, this was ripe for comedy, so whenever I was asked where I came from, I would answer “Finland” and simultaneously gesture as if to pull my pants down. This seemed to be pretty much the funniest thing anyone had ever heard, and was met with roars of laughter every single time! Usually friends, family-members and just about anyone passing by would also be waved over for an encore performance. It was a great icebreaker to be sure.
In the context of Southeast Asia, I would say Burma is as close to unspoilt territory as you can get: There are no Seven Elevens or WiFi spots in sight and an air-con bus means some of the windows are missing. You can travel for days on end without meeting any other Westerners, and wherever you go the locals greet you like you’re a rock-star who just cured cancer or something. You can’t fake enthusiasm like that! The result is a rather intoxicating and sometimes overwhelming amount of attention, and I must admit, I did get a bit addicted to it. For example, at the Thingyan festival everyone wants to shake your hand and wish you a happy New Year. Entire pick-up truckfuls of people scream at the sight of you and go absolutely berserk if you graciously spray them with a little water from the stage. Seeing this after knocking back a few club whiskeys, it’s pretty easy to develop delusions of grandeur :)
After Yangon, I headed north to Lake Inle, which is a huge nature reserve in Shan state roughly 400 kilometers away. The trip there was thoroughly harrowing, as it lasted twenty-six-hours and involved a bus, a minivan and a motorbike, of which the bus broke down thrice and the minivan twice. With no other English-speakers on board I had pretty much no idea what was going on, except that the driver kept going to the back of the bus with bigger and bigger sledge-hammers. The locals seemed to understand that a fatalistic shrug is the only reasonable way to mentally deal with bullshit like that. Inle Lake, however, was pretty sublime and tranquil. Set in the hills of Shan state, rice-paddies surround it, and pagodas dot the hillside. No wonder travelers often end up spending more time there than they originally planned, as did I.
On a boat trip around the lake we saw a few things of interest, among the most thought-provoking the long-necked women of the Kayan-people, whom I remembered vaguely from the cover of an old National Geographic-magazine back home. From a very young age, the women wear metal rings around their necks, which gradually push down the shoulders and thus artificially elongate their necks. We were told this was originally done for two main reasons: to protect them from tiger bites (I know, it makes no sense) and to make them more attractive. I suppose now it is simply a matter of upholding the tradition and entertaining tourists. Unfortunately, over time the muscles in their necks weaken so drastically that were the rings ever removed, the women could only let their heads hang loosely; doomed to a life of staring at linoleum-tiling. Gravity be a harsh mistress.
Potty humor
When travelling in Asia, your stomach can easily become a bit punch-drunk from the constantly shifting diet, and hence bowel movements very quickly rise in the list of topics most often discussed with other people. It is not even uncommon to see couples exchanging quick notes over breakfast regarding the consistency and make-up of their stool (seriously, I have seen it). Also, toilet-related survival stories circulate and are often recited to unfazed audiences at breakfast tables. I have heard a bunch of good ones over the course of my travels, but I think I finally heard the best (i. e. the most disgusting) one ever in Burma: Apparently, a young British lad had been on the top floor of a double-decker bus when he had a sudden onset of extremely violent diarrhea. With mere moments to act and not knowing what else to do, he had stuck his arse out of the window and quite literally let fly. Unfortunately, directly below him had sat an unsuspecting Swede with his window open. In what must have seemed just incredibly unfair, the Swede got peppered by some stray shrapnel from above. The Brit had been far too embarrassed to go down and say anything, so his friend had to go and apologize, and apparently, the Swede had “taken it well”. To his credit I have to say that he must have been a better man than I, because honestly, I can’t understand how anyone can take something like that “well”.
P. S. Funniest thing I have seen in ages, guaranteed to brighten your day.
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/study_children_exposed_to
At Lake Inle, the boatmen have a very distinctive way of rowing with their feet
Wind-chimes and spires
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